Well.  It's been a few weeks since I wrote about The Bachelor.  I know, I know.  If Colton can consistently break these girls hearts than the least I could do is fill your hearts with laughter about what I think of this season's The Bachelor.

Since I last wrote, Heather finally got her first kiss and it was awkward.  Caelynn and Alabama Hannah sort of buried the hatchet.  Elyse self evicted herself and immediately regretted it.  My girl Demi got cut- she is going to be soooooo good on Bachelor in Paradise!  And now we are down to 7 girls left as the trip to Vietnam comes to an end. And Katie, Sydney, and Demi tried to throw some of the girls under the bus by saying some are still to there for Colton's heart.  Colton tells the group and they are floored.

Let's stop saving the drama for your mama and let's get started....


Am I the only one that can't stand the Colton Cam?!?!  I don't need his camera in his face to recap the previous show for me.  Chris Harrison and production already did that.  I swear it's like production said, "You know.  If ABC isn't going to let us film Colton with his shirt off at least 3 times an episode, we need something more." Hmmmmm. "Like a Colton Cam?"

via GIPHY
"Bingo" - Production

BEN HIGGINS to the rescue!! Ben is the man!  The king of sending possible final rose winners home before the rose ceremony! Time for some corny advice about hometown dates... BARF.  Get ready for scenes from their old high school, their first kiss, and where their pig won a blue ribbon at the county FFA competition.

Why are Ben and Colton drinking water in a place that has 28 beers on tap?

via GIPHY


The girls meet Colton and his dog, Sniper, in a park and he picks Tayshia for the first one on one date in Denver.  Nice.  Hope the dog isn't too much of a block.

ONE ON ONE DATE
"This is what I would do on a casual Saturday."  Yeah right.  You eat oysters, sample wine, eat ice cream, go shopping, drink more wine while walking Sniper.  WAIT.  What happened to Sniper?  He is not at the rosé café with Colton and Tayshia.  I understand if it is a health code violation to not take him inside but where did he go?

Uh Oh.  Tayshia tells Colton that Cassie and Caelynn aren't genuine and they may be the girls who the previous girls referred to last episode.

Now we are at Colton's apartment and still no Sniper!  No way this is his apartment.  It's got to be an Air BNB, right.  What if the girl was a stalker!

via GIPHY
Tayshia got a rose.  She may also be getting a broken nose soon, too.


ONE ON ONE DATE
Time for Caelynn's one on one date with Colton and they are going to shred some snow. But more importantly, Colton needs to shred some of these rumors that have been going around and has a talk with Caelynn. So he tells her what Tayshia said about her and Cassie and..... Caelynn right now.

via GIPHY
And then she goes into damage control...

via GIPHY
Miss 2018 Runner Up gets a rose and advances to the hometown dates.  Off to a private concert, boring serenading and awkward dancing at a private concert at Red Rocks from Colton's friend, Brett Young, who really isn't Colton's friend.


ONE ON ONE
Bama Hannah is going to meet Colton's family.  Colton's dad looks like he could be his older brother.  Old Man Underwood looks like he is freaking Colton out about how serious  he thinks Colton should take this dating competition.  Somebody please tell Mr. Underwood that it is just a game show.

via GIPHY

OH. MY. DEAR. LORD.  Did Pops scare Colton into dumping Hannah Alabama? Wowser.  Did not see that coming.  AlaHannah gave him the "people's intentions" speech, too.  She will be good TV for Bachelor in Paradise.

So 2 roses given away and 2 roses left for the home visits, right?


GROUP DATE TIME

Card said "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do".  So I feel like 2 girls should be going home, or at least one during this date. And there are tears, especially from Colton.  I can only hope so.

via GIPHY

Josie Grossy 2019 aka Heather decided that she did not have the connection to take Colton home to meet her family and is honest with Colton.  She self evicts because she did not know if she was 100% ready to be engaged.

via GIPHY

Really?!?!  Did Colton think that a girl who dated a guy for 8 months without kissing him would be ready for a marriage commitment???  I am not saying that Colton is dumb, but Colton is dumb.  Basically, Heather's true intentions to come on this show was to get kissed under some fireworks and on national TV and then go out and kiss a bunch of boys after tequila shots on Bachelor In Paradise.

Cassie and Kirpa have a talk about the situation of "who is here for the right reasons".  Let's talk about Kirpa for a minute.  She is attractive when her hair is down.  She looks decent with her hair up.  But overall, looks like two different people.  That would be too confusing for Colton.  Also, did they ever discuss what happened to her chin?

Colton has to give his fair time to Cassie and ask her about the things Tayshia shares for him.  Cassie gets after it and proclaims her emotions for him and how important her family is.  Colton goes for it hook, line and sinker.

Kirpa, with no band aid, delivers the news to Colton that she does not want to see Colton with someone else.  Shouldn't she be telling him that she is the only one for him and that she doesn't drama.  NOPE.  She talks about other people's reasons.  Kirpa is dead in the water.

Cassie and Kirpa are arguing about what Katie said and what Tayshia and Kirpa reinforced.... Hannah G sits there- welcome to the episode Hannah G.

Colton lets the ladies know that the 2 last roses will be handed out later that night.  This is going to be the situation that everyone blew up Twitter on Monday night because ABC can't stop showing previews of the fence jump.


ROSE CEREMONY

Hannah G get one of the roses.  WAIT!  WHAT!  IS THAT CAELYNN'S MUSIC!!!!  Caelynn comes in to bust up to Rose Ceremony!

via GIPHY

CAELYNN SAVES CASSIE and Cassie gets the last rose of the episode!

What a great ending!  WWE would be so proud!


FINAL FOUR HOME VISIT POWER RANKINGS

  1. HANNAH G
  2. CASSIE
  3. TAYSHIA
  4. CAELYNN

I will leave you with this....

WHAT HAPPENED TO SNIPER?

via GIPHY